Tag: listening

10 Free and Simple Things You Can Do Today to Make Somebody Smile

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As a general rule, I will pretty much do whatever it takes to elicit a good laugh out of somebody.  I’ve been known to do things like what you’re seeing in this picture for pretty much my whole life.  This particular instance was because my dear friend Julia, who you see in the background about to wet herself, was having a rough day and I took it upon myself to do what I could to make it better.  As you can see, it worked pretty well.  Now, please don’t get me wrong here.  I’m not suggesting that in order to make the world around you a lighter place you need to Scotch tape your face.  In fact, I don’t recommend it.  If I remember correctly, it really hurt to pull that shit off my eyebrows.  What I am suggesting, is that there is literally ALWAYS something that you can do to brighten up somebody’s day, and it takes such little effort.  Read on to discover 10 easy ways you can bring a little positive flair to somebody’s day starting now!

1.  Smile

Yep, legit the easiest way to help another person experience some joy in their lives is to smile at them.  You weren’t born with that beautiful visage for nothing!  Put what yo’ Mama gave you to good use by sharing it with the world.  You’ll most certainly inspire the recipient to do the same.

2.  Listen

Your ears…also there for a reason (other than being able to jam out to some really good tunes while lead-footing it down the interstate).  How often do you feel like nobody’s listening to you?  Sometimes all it takes is slowing down long enough to truly hear another person that will leave them beaming from ear to ear.

3. Crack a Joke

Sometimes life gets messy and really serious and it’s hard to see beyond the chaos that’s happening in the moment.  Dropping a relatively stupid and well-intentioned joke can be just the medicine to remind another person that this too shall pass and it’s okay to laugh.

4. Write a Letter

Let’s just be honest…it’s freaking awesome to get an ACTUAL letter in the mail.  Seriously, I’m just going to own it…my husband and I literally race each other down the driveway if we happen to both be home when the mail carrier comes.  90% of the time we find ourselves inundated with junk mail and bills we don’t want to open, but every once in a while there’s an unexpected letter and it’s like Christmas morning!  It feels good to know that people are thinking of you even though they might not be around.

5. Compliment Them

I’m not talking some sideways compliment solely intended to instill a feel-good factor.  I don’t do bullshit and I would recommend you avoid it too.  People see right through that and if they smile, it’s probably a bit of bullshit back at you.  No, I’m talking a real, genuine compliment that comes from your heart and reminds the person receiving it that they are valued.  One or two kind words can go a very long way in changing the course of somebody’s day.

6. Tempt Their Tummy

Why?  Um…because FOOD!  Yes, because FOOD is amazing and delicious and it makes people feel full and when people feel full of yumminess their brains send off little, happy signals all throughout the rest of their bodies and that makes them smile.  Also, because when you give people delicious food, they will feel compelled to share and that will make you smile too.

7. Random Acts of Kindness

There is something so incredibly gratifying about anonymously performing an act of kindness.  Donate your old towels to an animal shelter, leave your unused coupons somewhere the next guy might find them or let somebody merge into your lane of traffic even though you are in a rush (preferably without flipping them the bird).  These simple acts can help to change somebody’s day and who knows…they might even pay it forward.

8. Be True to Yourself

Believe it or not, one of the best ways you can make somebody smile is by owning yourself unapologetically.  People want to live out their own dreams, and when they see somebody else doing it, it’s a reminder that it’s possible for them too.  Why do you think those videos of human beings picking up cars and jumping from rooftop to rooftop trend so hard on social media?  Uh, because it’s freaking awesome, duh!  I’m not suggesting that you should attempt to walk on fire or swim the English Channel in nothing but your Speedos (unless that’s your thing), but embrace what makes you unique and let it shine.  People love to smile at that stuff!

9. Make Them Something

Again, people like to see other people doing what makes them happy.  When you are being creative, you are expressing yourself by doing something that makes your heart sing.  Passing this expression onto another person is like saying, “Hi, this is a big chunk of my heart that makes me super happy to create.  Would you like a piece of it?  Maybe it will make your heart smile, too.”  I mean, that’s a pretty awesome thing to share!

10. Scotch Tape Your Face

Well, c’mon…it works!  I mean, go back and take a look at that picture.  The girl is legit about to fall out of her chair.  Mission accomplished!  If all else fails, you always have this to fall back on.

Now that you know a few really, excruciatingly easy ways to spread some joy, get off your buns and go do it!   None of this takes money, a college degree, an abundance of creativity, or even very little energy.  All it takes is the genuine desire to share some love and make the world a better place, one smile at a time.  Go get ’em.

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The Power of a Tribe and Divine Female Energy

thumbnail (2)At first glance, you may look at the above picture and believe that I am lost in a powerful moment of prayer, breathwork, or meditation, but I am here to assure you that this is not at all the case.  In fact, when this picture was snapped unbeknownst to me, I was in the middle of the ocean on a beautiful, sunny day, skin kissed by a warm breeze, in the throes of the most terrifying and life-altering panic attack I have ever experienced in my entire existence.  In fact, the story I am about to share with you was quite honestly one of the most vulnerable and powerful moments of my entire life.

My weekend adventure immersing myself in the warm, calming flow, and bold, brilliant colors of the middle of the Atlantic ocean started out amazingly well.  As my best friend and I jumped into the water with our masks and snorkels, I was instantly engulfed in the beauty and mystery of the coral reef below me.  I spent forty-five fascinating minutes exploring before we decided to head back to the boat, take off our gear, and go for an unencumbered swim.  I removed my flippers and mask, ran to the back of the boat, and jumped right into the crystal clear water.  I remember a fleeting thought entering my consciousness…”The world is SO big and I feel so small right now.” and all of a sudden I was gripped by panic.  My body became instantly cold and numb as waves of fear washed from my head all the way down through my toes.  I felt as though I couldn’t breathe, my heart racing a million miles per minute.  I couldn’t get out fast enough and when I did, it took every effort to suck in enough air to prevent me from passing out.  With forty other people milling about, I’m sure you can imagine that it wasn’t exactly helping the onset of panic.  As I sat on the front of the boat trying desperately to calm myself down, a realization hit me that I was completely vulnerable out here.  If I was indeed dying in this moment (as my mind kept assuring me that I was), there was legitimately nothing I could do about it.

I made my way cautiously back to my seat and something of a miracle happened then.   As I lifted my gaze to focus on the horizon, my eyes caught those of a woman across from me who was probably in her late 50’s, early 60’s.  She mouthed, “Are you okay?” to me, and my usually stoic composure crumbled as I mouthed back, “No.”  Without hesitation, this woman crossed the deck, sat down next to me, and swept me up in her arms.  She softly reminded me to breathe and to close my eyes as she rocked me back and forth and wrapped me up in her towel.  Another woman brought me water, and yet another encouraged me to eat a small snack.  At first, my typical self-preservation kicked in and I resisted the temptation to curl into the unknown comfort of this mystery woman, but gradually, I felt myself allow her to draw me in and I rested my head on her shoulder as she continued to squeeze me close.  This amazingly beautiful woman held me like this for a full 45-minute boat ride, never even knowing my name or anything about me…and I allowed myself in that moment to let go of all of my defenses and be taken care of.

As we neared shore and I began to feel more at ease, I sat up a little straighter and looked around me.  One by one, every woman on the boat locked her gaze with me and nodded, almost as though they, too, were breathing easier for me.  I was later informed by my best friend that the moment my body curled into this woman who had been holding me, each woman on the boat sat up straighter and closed their eyes, taking deep, methodical breaths.  She said it was the most incredible thing she had ever seen.  I thanked my amazing Angel Mama (who I found out was named Anne), and although she humbly accepted the gratitude, I don’t truly know if she understands what she did for me.  I don’t know that any of those women do.  I am notoriously a person who takes care of herself and others.  Rarely do I allow myself the opportunity to be truly nurtured, particularly by strangers, but these beautiful women from all over the world who spoke probably six languages between them, came together in a stoic show of support to provide a safe container for me to experience the very real terror and weakness that I was feeling.  I don’t want to exclude the men here either, all of whom tapped into their own Goddess energy and supported me by offering a smile, a squeeze as I walked off the boat, or as far as Anne’s husband goes, his wife.

When we got back to my car, I let myself cry harder than I’ve cried in a long time.  We often move through life forgetting that we need others to support us in our moments of weakness, maybe even sometimes feeling like we don’t deserve to be supported.   When we can cross over those self-imposed blocks, we open to possibility and allow Universal love to flow to us and even through us.  The truth is, it is always there, even when we don’t see it, and the scary thing is that if we let our fear of looking weak or vulnerable become greater than our need for love and connection, we may stand to miss out on the incredible freedom and power it can bring into our lives.

What I experienced this weekend was the power of love, the power of a group of women working toward a common goal, the power of the Warrior Goddess energy that exists within each of us regardless of our sex, and the power of treating others as though they are not separate.  At the base of it all, we are all humans, needing, seeking, and desiring love, acceptance, and the right to be ourselves at any given moment.  These women and men gave me a gift that I will work hard to pass on to others in any way that I can.  We often have no idea how great of an impact our small acts of kindness might have on another person.  As far as Anne and the other passengers on that boat go, they have unknowingly helped to heal some long-existing wounds that have prevented me from fully allowing myself to become close to others, females in particular.  They have helped to birth a better version of myself and have encouraged me to pass that feeling along. Hopefully, this story inspires you to do the same.  Let your Warrior Goddess light shine bright…the world needs it so badly right now and always.

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The Power of Active Listening

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How many times have you had the same conversation over and over and over again?  There’s that one person who constantly feels the need to tell you their story, their hardships, their accomplishments, or what they said to the Comcast guy when he was late for their appointment….even though you have heard this story SO MANY TIMES!  Whether it be with your spouse, children, coworkers, bosses, or maybe the guy at the gas station, we often find ourselves stuck in these cycles of endless conversation.  It’s easy in these situations to get frustrated and cast our aggravations on the other person.  We ask things like, “Why don’t they get it?  We keep having this conversation!”, or “How many times is he going to tell me this?  He’s like a broken record!”   Think about one of those situations in your own life.  Get a clear picture of it in your head.  Imagine the words being spoken, see the other persons face.  Start to feel the reaction in your body.  Is your jaw clenching?  Maybe your shoulders are beginning to creep up towards your ears?  Are you crossing your arms?  Do you feel tired, bored, or drained?

Now, let’s switch gears for a minute.  Think of a time when YOU have been the one feeling like you have to say the same thing over and over again.  Maybe it’s reminding your kids to put their clothes in the hamper, nagging your spouse to help around the house without being asked, telling the story of that time you scored the game-winning touchdown…..in high school…..25 years ago.  Yep…we ALL do it.  Now try to pay attention to where it may be coming from.  Dig deep here.  Why do you tell this story?  How does it make you feel?  What’s your role in the story?  Are you the victim, hero, martyr?  What is it that makes you constantly go here?  Likely, you will come to the conclusion that, no matter how many times you are repeating yourself, you don’t feel as if you are being heard, appreciated or validated in whatever it is you are trying to express.

There is a big difference between listening and ACTIVELY listening.    We live in an age where it is not only easy, but NORMAL, to be bombarded by distractions everywhere we turn.  The smartphone pings one of several tones…you race to discover if it was an email, text, Facebook, Instagram, or voicemail notification.  (Actually, it was WordPress letting you know I just posted another RADICAL blog post, but I digress).  The point is, there are so many reasons NOT to focus on the person right in front of us, that why would we feel like we are being heard?  The sad thing here is that, as a society, we are losing focus on how important communication is, and in losing this focus, we are beginning to lack understanding of just how powerful listening can be.

When we create a space where someone feels truly listened to, the possibilities are endless.  When we hold a place for honest expression, stories begin to lose importance, because they no longer define the person telling them.  The story teller no longer feels the need to identify so strongly with these memories, habits, or routines which may have been holding them back.  Feeling truly heard, we are able to move on to better stories.  Imagine this…think back on a conflict in your life where you felt like your voice was not being heard.  Maybe you are fighting with your significant other, and it feels as though everything you say is being turned around.  Finally, you bow out of the conversation defeated, realizing that you are getting nowhere.  You feel a sense of hopelessness, perhaps some anxiety and frustration.  You call a friend, or your mom, or you sit down next to your dog, and they LISTEN!  THEY TRULY LISTEN!  Like, let you have the floor, freak the BEEP out, say everything and anything you need to say without interjecting, forming opinions, or offering unsolicited advice, cry, scream, punch a pillow…whatever it is, without judgment.  How do you feel?  A rush of relief?  A little silly for getting so heated?  Validation?  Whatever you are feeling, I can almost guarantee you when your significant other walks back into the room, the thing you were discussing so feverishly will have lost a lot of importance, because you no longer feel that burning desire to be heard.

Sometimes we just need to be heard, without being labeled as right or wrong.  It’s that simple.

I’m not suggesting that we need to enable our friends and loved ones who are stuck in these patterns, but am merely offering that perhaps if you truly listen to what they are saying, you might hear something entirely different underneath.    Are there those who are married to their stories?  Unfortunately yes, there are, but you don’t have to engage with those people.  However, if you are experiencing these cycles with people you love, than chances are there is just something not being said, or something not being heard.  Listen up, and you may be surprised at what you find.  The coolest part about this, is the more that we begin to incorporate it in our lives, the less we will find ourselves caught in these cyclical conversations, because people will feel as though we heard them the first time.

So, how can you bring this into your life?  Take the next 24 hours and observe your habits in conversation.  Notice if you are fidgeting, thinking about other things, fixated on an ant climbing up the wall behind the other persons head (I know…I’ve done it too).  Are you able to make eye contact?  Can you keep your thoughts directed on what the other person is saying?  Just observe yourself without judgement and begin to acknowledge how you might incorporate more positive interaction with those around you, and make THAT your practice for the following 24 hours.  Make a diligent effort to be a better listener and see what happens.  Take notes…write down any differences you notice in how others interact with you.  Share your results in the comments section below.  I’m excited to see if anything changes for you.

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