Tag: life coaching

Building the Stairway to Your Own Personal Heaven

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Creating the life you dream of can feel daunting at times. After all, how the hell do you get from where you are to where you want to be? You may not even know where to start! I completely understand. When you look at the big picture, it can create fear, doubt, and insecurity. The good news is that it doesn’t have to. I’m going to share a little secret…

You’ve been doing things upside down!

Yep, upside down, even if it doesn’t seem like it. You’ve been standing at the bottom of your staircase, staring ALL THE WAY up to the top. Sounds right side up, right? Sure, but how much is it helping? You see before you a billion steps and a million things that could possibly go wrong. You begin to feel overwhelmed at the enormity of the work you are going to have to do to climb up the steep set of seemingly unending steps before you. You begin to shut down before you even get going. So, what now?

It’s time to stand on your head and change your perspective.

Imagine, if you will, that you are standing at the very top of this pretend staircase. The view is much better from up here. You can look back behind you and you begin to see very clearly everything that you needed to do to gain this new perspective. You see that each step has actually been built upon the steps beneath it…that there is a very real order to the way that things were done to get you where you now are. Now, grab a pen. Start to document these steps and break them down into smaller and smaller steps as you go. Let me give you an example:

You’re dreaming of becoming a published author…

First off, congratulations on a very noble dream. How are you going to do it? You have no experience, no connections, no money to self-publish…ah, forget it. It was just a pipe dream anyway, right? WRONG! Think bigger…think upside down. Imagine you are already a well-known published author, basking in the glory of staring at your name in glossy print on the front cover of your novel. Feel the feelings, get excited, and then turn around and look behind you. What did you do to get yourself here? Well, naturally, you got published, but before you could do that you had to entice a publisher and write a book. No big deal, right? UGH.

Don’t get stressed!

Keep going!

Break your goal down even further. In order to entice a publisher, you will need to have a well-edited book, so that will be one step in the process. You will also have to query publishers, so writing a query letter may be on your eventual to-do list. And naturally, in order to query you will need to know who might even be interested in your book in the first place, but hold on. What about the book? Well, writing it will require it’s own breakdown. You’ll have to come up with an idea, format an outline, flesh out individual chapters, figure out the best way to organize said chapters, create your character profiles. WOO. Keep going! Break each of these tasks down even further and further and further. Keep going until you can’t go any further. You may wind up with 534 individual steps, maybe more, maybe less. Now, organize them from first to last and start taking them, one simple step at a time.

Any goal is attainable by moving one step at a time!

If you run into overwhelm somewhere, that means a step is still too big. How can you break it down even further? How can you create a stairway where each step is built upon a solid foundation? How can you help yourself avoid feeling overwhelmed as you move towards your goals? Once you figure that out…

KEEP climbing!

Before you know it, you will be standing back up at the top of your staircase, but this time it won’t just be in your imagination. Don’t get daunted by how long it might take to attain your goal. Just remember that a step in any direction is progress. Standing still, on the other hand, is certain to keep you where you are.

If you need help creating a plan that will catapult you into the life you truly want to live, visit my WEBSITE and contact me today for a FREE CONSULTATION. I am excited to help you make your dreams your new reality.

Own Your Overwhelm Like a BOSS and Create the Life You Dream Of!

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What’s the one thing that’s really holding you back from living the life of your dreams? Is it your lack of college education? Is it your time constraints? Dwindling finances? Maybe it’s the fact that you don’t have a support system to back you up as you pursue them. Perhaps, it’s as simple as lacking self-confidence. Maybe, you’re not even sure what’s stopping you? Well, I am…and I’m happy to tell you it’s completely changeable!

In fact, it’s nothing more than a bit of overwhelm!

When we become overwhelmed, our bodies and minds get thrown into a tizzy! Suddenly, our big dreams begin to morph into a paralyzing series of tasks that feel way too big to tackle. Our minds flood with questions and insecurities. We find ourselves wondering which direction is the right direction, what the proper first step is, and why the hell we ever thought we could do this in the first place! Eventually, we convince ourselves fully that these dreams must belong to somebody else and we give up. We go back to living our quiet, “normal”, reasonably fulfilling reality and pretend that it’s enough. Sounds pretty awful when you look at it that way, right? Well, guess what?

You CAN make your dreams come true!

Are you really going to let a few fearful thoughts dictate what you can and cannot do with this one incredible life you get to live right now at this very moment? Damn right you’re not! At least not if I have anything to say about it! Why are we okay with being small and living mediocre lives? Why don’t we understand that our gifts, desires, and talents have been given to us so that we could share them with the world? Why don’t we believe that others might appreciate us and our dreams? Why don’t we believe in ourselves as much as we believe in EVERYBODY ELSE? If they can create the lives they are dreaming of, YOU CAN TOO! So, why haven’t you done it yet? Why is your overwhelm stopping you and standing in your way?

Because you don’t have a concrete plan!

You are most likely overwhelmed because all you can see is the big picture, but there’s SO much more than that. All of the successful people (however you define that word) you see around you…do you think their success just landed in their lap? No…it took a lot of little steps to build the momentum to get them where they are today. They knew the secret of creating a plan. They knew that looking at the whole mountain was counterproductive. They knew that they had to take things ONE step at a time.

“But, I don’t know what steps to take! If I knew them, I’d be taking them!”

I get it…I’ve been there too. In fact, I find myself there all the time, but I don’t let that deter me. You’ve heard it said, where there’s a will there’s a way, and sometimes finding the way just means getting creative! Do your research, learn a new skill that will get you closer to your dreams, surround yourself with people already living out the life you want for yourself! Eat it, sleep it, dream it, and do it! That’s the BIG thing that often gets overlooked. It’s not always the most popular viewpoint, but success takes work.

Success cannot happen without action!

What does success mean to you? Is it an abundant career, a satisfying relationship, a feeling of accomplishment as a parent, or finding the self-confidence to have it all? Whatever it means to you, I’m here to assure you that it is not as far out of your reach as you may believe it to be. You just have to create a plan! Take your overarching goal and break it down into action steps. Take those and break them down even further, and further still. Then, commit to taking ONE action step towards your goal each and every day. Before you know it, SHABAM…goal crushed!

Don’t doubt yourself!

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Every single person you encounter has had at least a few great moments of doubt, but what’s worse than doubt? I would say regret. There are so many people out there that should have written a book or won American Idol or fallen in love or turned their hair-brained idea into a multi-million dollar company, but they don’t do it because of their doubt. Then, somebody else comes along and does it and they are left to wallow in their regret. This is your one shot at this life! MAKE IT COUNT!

If you need some help creating a plan to move towards your best life, I would love to help you do it! Visit my website BY CLICKING HERE to learn more about life coaching and how it can help you create your best life yet!

Release Your Fear, Free Your Mind: A Jedi Mind Trick to Turn Your Thoughts Around

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Let’s get real for a moment…there is a LOT of really scary shit going on in the world right now.  No matter how much you try to avoid the news, or social media, or your doomsday neighbor, you can’t really tune out of what’s happening around us.  Whether it be the myriad natural disasters occurring across the world, this crazy dude that wants to blow up the Universe, the largest security breach in American history, or whatever else is eking its way into your personal reality, let’s face it…it’s tough not to be afraid.  I had a client ask me yesterday how it was possible to be so joyful in the midst of all of this chaos.  Well, I don’t know if I have the answer for that, but I can certainly share my own process of staying sane.

Yoda (who in my book is the MAN and should run for president) said that “Fear is the path of the dark side.  Fear leads to anger.  Anger leads to hate.  Hate leads to suffering.”  Smart fella if you ask me.  When we allow these fearful occurrences to dictate the contents of our mind, we start a downward spiraling process that is difficult to turn around.  One fearful thought leads to another which leads to another.  This energy shows up in the way we interact with the world, sparking more of the same in those that we encounter.  YOU are the only person who can stop that fear in its tracks, and I’m hoping this little trick will help you do just that.

Our response to fear is natural, but that doesn’t mean that we have to give it control.  When I notice myself getting sucked into the drama playing out on my TV or the fear being perpetuated on my Facebook feed, I take a moment first just to acknowledge it.  “Shit, Jillian…you are freaking out right now! Time to shut this crap down!”  I try to be compassionate with myself about it, rather than judgmental.  After all…it IS scary when so many unknowns are catapulting towards you.  I turn off whatever media is on or gently extract myself from the conversation at hand. I sit quietly and take a few deep breaths.  I repeat out loud to myself, “The only thing I have is this moment, and in this moment I am here, I am safe and I am happy.”  I try to remember that my fear will only draw more fear to me, and so being afraid is counterproductive.  The best way to combat fear is joy and love, and so I begin to remind myself of all of the things in my life at this very moment that I have to be joyful about…positive relationships, my goofy children, a job that I love, my breath, my yoga practice, my favorite tree in my back yard, my dogs, my spiritual connection with my higher power, etc.  I come back to my breath and typically, I notice an immediate difference.  My breathing is softer, calmer and more even.  I feel more centered and safe.  I am reminded of the multiple reasons I have to choose to be happy rather than bind myself in fear.

So why does this work?  I believe it’s because we are creating space between the trigger and the response.  Rather than allowing that first negative or fearful thought to spiral out of control, we are giving it the acknowledgement that it needs and setting a new course towards a more positive orientation.  The first few times you try it, it might feel fruitless, but, as with all things, practice makes perfect.  Try, try and try again, and hopefully sometime very soon, you will find yourself moving into calmer waters quicker than you thought possible.

We are all in charge of the energy we give to fear, because that energy starts a ripple throughout the entire Universe that must reverberate back to us.  Even taking baby steps to try to release your fear makes a huge impact on the collective whole of humankind.  You are a powerful being…use that power for love, kindness and good.  May the force be with you.  (Yes, said that, I did.  Mmm.)

To learn more about life coaching and how to start the process of turning your negative thoughts around, visit my website at http://www.jillianarenacyi.com

Open to Grace

17In Yoga Teacher Training, we are taught that opening up to grace is an integral part of our practice.  It’s that moment in a yoga class where your teacher is instructing you to settle into the space around you, let go of thoughts, worries and to-do lists that might be sabotaging your relaxation, and let yourself become present and aware so that you can receive your yoga practice.  In a dimly lit studio, sprawled out on your mat, with no disturbances other than the gentle sound of you and your neighbors breathing, soft music playing in the background of your thoughts, this can be a relatively easy and safe space to do just that…to completely let go.  After all, that’s why you are there in the first place, right?  What happens, though, when you’re not on your mat?  Opening to grace feels a lot more difficult to do when you are in the throes of your day to day activities, children arguing in the background, a pile of bills arriving in the mail, stacks of paperwork to get through at the office, a lawn to mow, and the mountain of laundry spilling out of your clothes hamper staring at you every time you enter your room.  However, these are the times when opening to grace is absolutely the most important.

Grace is defined by dictionary.com as “simple elegance or refinement of movement”, but to me, it is so much more than that.  It is a willingness to surrender to the truth that we are each going through exactly the things that will help us to become the best versions of ourselves, even (especially) in the moments where it feels completely the opposite.  It is the ability to find strength in our struggles and to participate fully and completely in all aspects of our lives, good, bad, scary, exciting, or otherwise.  It is the knowledge that our perception of what is happening in our lives is so much more important than the situations themselves, because the situations are impermanent.  It is the power to stand strong through the storms, holding firm to the knowledge that calmer waters are ahead of us and that there is an important lesson for our soul within each and every moment.  How amazing would it feel to bring the same peace, calm and quiet that you find on your mat, or out in nature, or in your bath (or whatever it is that you do to connect to this space) into the daily situations that are a natural part of life?  Well, you can, which is pretty good news.

Take a minute to inventory what’s going on in your life that’s stressing you out or causing worry or fear.  Write it all down.  Read it back to yourself without any judgement.  Instead, maybe you can find a little curiosity.  What is your soul trying to help you to learn by these difficult situations?  For most of us, our difficulties often become repeating patterns, causing us to feel like something is wrong with us or that we are just destined to always have this particular issue in our lives, but this couldn’t be farther from the truth.  These moments that challenge us are opportunities for us to get know ourselves better.  For example, if you are somebody who is constantly struggling financially and worried about how to pay the bills, this might be your soul telling you that your job is not in alignment with what you really want.  It may also be an indication that you have some limiting beliefs around money that need to be acknowledged and explored so that prosperous energy feels welcome to flow into your life.  If you find yourself struggling with relationship after relationship, perhaps it is your soul trying to urge you to look in a different place, or to learn to love yourself first so that you can openly receive true love back.  Maybe it is an indication that you subconsciously don’t feel worthy of love and so you are inadvertently pushing it away.

Remember, we attract the energy that we put out…like attracts like.  Therefore, it’s not what we WISH we believed or what we WANT to believe, but the actual beliefs stored deep, down within us, that are shaping our realities.  It can be scary to dig down and unearth them, but consider for a moment, a diamond.  My dear friend and colleague, Amy Lombardo, put this in such great perspective for me.  Diamonds are formed way down in the Earth’s mantle (about 100 miles deep), and start as chunks of coal.  It takes a tremendous amount of heat and pressure to create this sparkly gem, but once the work has occurred, the diamond is pushed to the surface naturally for all to enjoy.  Your thoughts are like these diamonds.  YOU have that same sparkly gem deep within in you, just waiting to be exposed to the heat so that it can emerge and shine brightly out to the world.  When you can accept that knowledge and open to grace, knowing that you have a deep well of untapped potential within you and the power to change your reality, the world opens back to you.  Your sparkly gems are naturally pushed to the surface and the Universe responds by shining back.

Where in this very moment can you open yourself to grace?  Where can you replace fear with curiosity, and hopefully learn something about yourself through the process?  Start right now.  The more that you practice this the easier it becomes.  Opening to grace is not something that needs to be confined to your yoga mat.  It is accessible in each and every moment to help you come back to center, find your calm and elevate yourself towards all of the possibility just waiting to be discovered within you!

If you need some help unearthing your spark, please visit my website HERE to learn more about transitional life coaching and my 12-week program, Ascend to New Heights.

 

Ripping Off the Band-aid

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Jim Morrison…you’ve got to love him.  Not only was he excruciatingly gorgeous with a voice and stage presence that could melt the polar ice caps, but he said some pretty brilliant shit as well.  We may never know if it was the many hits of acid speaking or if it really was his Indian spirit guide, but whatever the source of his words, they were undeniably insightful and still hold impact and validity today.  How many times have you caught yourself gripped in the ruthless hands of fear?

We live in a society that is largely ruled by fear.  From the time that we are born we are conditioned to be afraid of things.  Some of it is necessary to our survival, such as not touching the stove or sticking a fork in the electrical socket, but many of the other things that we are taught to be afraid of can thwart our growth in so many ways.  We are taught largely to listen to others which causes fear of our own inner voice.  We are taught to follow the norms of society which can lead us to fear the decision to carve out our own authentic paths and follow our dreams.  We are taught to compare ourselves to others, which births the fear of never being enough within ourselves.  We are taught to fear being without material possessions, which causes feelings of greed within us.  We are taught to fear the things/people/places which we do not fully understand, which can prevent us from educating ourselves about the different cultures, religions, races, sexual orientations and physical landscapes that surround us in this amazingly diverse world.  In short, our fear begins to shape us from our initial breaths on this Earth and continues to shape shift as we experience the world.  But what if we could change that?  What if we could look closely at our fears…stare them straight in the face, stand up boldly and move bravely into them?  What is the worst that would actually happen?

Take a moment to think back on all of the things you have been afraid of in your life and write them down.  We’re going to use them in a minute.  Yeah, I know, it’s a big list, right?  When I think back on my fears what I notice is a progression.  When I was in my early 20’s I had been through some terrible relationships (I mean like surrrrrrrrrrriously, abusively bad) and I swore I was done dating.  Then I met Josh.  I was terrified of him because I knew I really liked him.  Then he asked me to marry him and I became afraid of that.  What if it didn’t work out?  Then we got married and decided to get pregnant…new biggest fear as my belly expanded and my whole world threatened to change.  Eight and a half months pregnant, we found our first home, closing ten days prior to the birth of our son…#freakingout.  Here comes Jacob…motherhood became the thing I feared the most because I had no idea how to do it.  Then Josh lost his job.  New mortgage, new baby, no job…does it get more terrifying?  I swore we were doomed…until Josh decided to start his own business (which of course scared the crap out of us both as well).  Suddenly, another baby was on the way.  Jocelyn was born and I quit my job to stay at home with them…this became the scariest decision of my life, but I did it anyway.  This progression continued on and on, presenting me with new fears along the way, until finally one day, I realized that it wasn’t the situations themselves that were terrifying me, but my reaction to them.  I started to look back at this long laundry list of fear I had been carrying around with me and realized that as each new fear had arisen and I had moved through it, the fear for that particular event had dissipated and morphed into a new fear.  It dawned on me that there will always be things to be afraid of, but it is up to me whether or not I let the fear have control.  I have a choice in each situation to square up against my fear and challenge it, and so do you.

I am happy to report that moving through my personal fear has led me to a 10-year (this July) marriage to my best friend and the most amazing guy I know, 2 kick-ass little kids who challenge me to grow, expand and be a better person each day, a beautiful home that is my sanctuary, my husband and I each owning our own business and the fortitude to keep moving through fear as it shows up.  That’s important to acknowledge by the way…I still get afraid.  All the time actually.  Life isn’t always sunshine and butterflies.  My husband and I argue, my kids can act like little shits, my home needs repairs and our businesses fluctuate through good and bad times (and the bad times can be REALLY scary), but we keep on keeping on anyway, moving forward with the knowledge that this too shall pass and that we can look our fears in the face and move on anyway.

So where does fear show up for you?  Go back to your list.  If you didn’t write it, do it now.  Take a close look at all of these places that fear has popped up in your life from as early as you can think of.  First off, see if you notice any patterns.  Are your fears largely based around one particular area?  Money?  Relationships? Your Career?  Self-esteem?  Now, notice any of these situations where you faced your fear and moved forward anyway?  What was the outcome?  If you haven’t had the opportunity to face any of these fears, guess what today is?  That’s right, your opportunity.  You don’t have to dive in headfirst, but think of a way that you can start to move into your fear slowly.  If your fear is primarily surrounding relationships, maybe today is the day you finally make that online dating profile (don’t worry…you don’t have to go live until tomorrow).  If your self-esteem is taking the hit, maybe today is the day to buy the dress you’ve always wanted, even though your head screams that you’re not feminine enough to pull it off.  Tomorrow, rock it.  Each day take baby steps to move into your fear.  You will likely find that the further you go, the less powerful it becomes.

Interested in life coaching with me? Visit my website HERE, or join me on FACEBOOK to keep up with classes and events I have coming up.  Learn about my 12-week coaching program, “Ascend to New Heights” by watching THIS VIDEO INTERVIEW

 

The Importance of Getting To Know (and Love) Your Inner Dork!

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I was born an extremely strange child.  That’s me up above in the background, pulling on my eyelids with martian bobbles on my head.  That’s my sister up front, looking marginally annoyed and confused by whatever I am doing and my existence in general. I have evoked this response from her, and many others, since my first breaths on this Earth, and I have a funny feeling I may continue to do so until my last.

When I was little, being weird and silly worked for me.  It was a great way to ease tension, get myself out of trouble (my mother ALWAYS broke),  distract myself from boredom and use my imagination in creative ways.  We had a giant dress-up box in my basement and whenever it was raining and I couldn’t play outside and peel acorns for -the squirrels, down to the basement I would go.  I would spend some time finding the perfect outfit, march back up the stairs (sometimes at my own risk depending on my threads), head into whatever room my family member, house guests, friends or door-to-door salesman were in and just stand there…until somebody noticed and burst out laughing.

I continued this behavior throughout high school, not assumed “most likely to succeed” or “best dressed”, but certainly nailing “funniest girl” when it came time for my peers to vote for our senior yearbook.  I could handle that.  Funny was my thang.  I never felt weird or judged for being a goon.  It just came naturally and, even when others scoffed at it or thought me obnoxious, I did my thing and tried not to worry about it.

2    In short, I was a big dork.  However, life hasn’t always been a series of silly moments for me.  I went through a very dark time, much like most people I know.  As I got a little older, life threw a rather quick succession of shitty events my way, and somewhere in the midst of it all, I lost my spark.  Being silly and goofy became that thing that other people who weren’t going through drama did.  It seemed like a waste of time and an act of immaturity.  I began relying on substances and things outside of myself to help me hold on to that feeling of joy and freedom that being myself had previously allowed me to have.  I gave half-ass smiles when I knew it was appropriate and made self-deprecating cracks once in a while just to keep up my shtick, but inside I felt very broken and unhappy.  Slowly, the zany, dorky person who I naturally am, got lost in a spiral of self-judgement, self-pity and the feeling that this is how I was “supposed to be” after the things I had been through.  To put it bluntly, I was pissed off, bored out of my mind, depressed and TOTALLY out of alignment with who I was.

Fast forward a few years (like 10).  I gave birth to my son and spent the first year or so of his life looking at him much like my sister is looking at me in the debut picture of this post.  How is he smiling and happy and goofy all the time?  Where does his energy come from?  Can I have some of it?????  I couldn’t help but smile myself.  Two years later, my daughter was born.  By this time, I was starting to get the hang of this whole motherhood thing (if anybody can truly “get the hang” of parenting, that is).  I began to watch their interaction with one another, and from the very first day I brought her home, I watched them find joy in each other.  They laughed incessantly together from the day she could laugh.  They began to imagine and create together as soon as she could do that.  They played dress-up and restaurant and superheroes and would come to me almost daily to see who’s creative outfit was the best (they still do, and they always tie). Watching them, I started to learn how to play and be silly again.  I remembered how much fun impromptu dance parties in the living room are, how much fun it is to make others laugh and how amazingly freeing it is to let yourself be the dorkiest, craziest version of yourself, no matter what.

I am proud to say that now, at 35 years old, I am once again an unapologetic dork, like it or lump it.  It took me a while, but I finally realized the importance of owning my inner dork, without exception.  I’ve also realized that we ALL have an inner dork.  Mine shows up through goofy costumes, bad dance moves and singing off key, but maybe yours is something else.  Maybe you like telling really bad jokes.  Maybe you’re really into stamp collecting or enjoy looking in the mirror and making up your own commercials.  Maybe you like to secretly escape to Star Trek conventions or enjoy watching Anime action/adventure flicks on the weekends.  Whatever your inner dork digs, let it shine! You enjoy these things for a reason, and denying them because of social norms or how others might perceive you, isn’t doing you any favors.  There is endless joy in embracing the things that allow you to be a total goofball.  When we take ourselves too seriously, we slowly extinguish this beautiful part of ourselves.  When we learn to love it, we inspire others to do the same.

Yes, I am a dork, through and through.  I am a dork and I own it proudly.  I am also married to an incredibly awesome dork and the mother to two of the most amazing dorks I know.  Find your passion, embrace it and share it with the world, no matter what it looks like.  This is what makes you uniquely you.  If you’re really ready to let your dork flag fly, share a picture of your dorkiest moment in the comment section below!  I’d love to see it! 3

If you are ready to release your limiting beliefs and learn to love your inner dork again, visit my website HERE or call me for a free consultation at 561-951-7045.  You can also like me on FACEBOOK to keep up with my latest classes & events.

The Unlikely Life Skill I Learned From Being a Smoker

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First off, no, that is obviously not me in the above picture, but I’m apt to believe it may have become a pretty accurate depiction of me had I continued to smoke.  Hehe.  Pretty sexy huh?  So yeah, I was a smoker for a pretty long time.  I know, I know…save your judgement.  I get it…it’s gross…but I have to say, at the time I sort of liked it.  Throughout my years as a smoker, I learned a few things, some more enlightening than others.  For one thing, phone conversations are far easier to endure when you have something to preoccupy you (I hate the phone).  For another, smoker’s cough is really unattractive, smelling like an ashtray is a great way to discourage people from intimate conversation, and if you want to spend a lot of money on a whole lot of nothing good…smoking is a good way to achieve this goal.  However, I digress.  As the title suggests, there was one incredibly valuable lesson that I did learn from smoking.  Let’s start with a little story, shall we?

When I was 19 my head was pretty much as far up my ass as it could possibly fit.  I had gone through a series of really shitty events that left me feeling out of touch, out of place, out of friends and looking for a way out of my current state of being.  In other words, I was pretty freaking miserable and totally lost.  So, imagine my excitement when my friend mentioned that he was taking a road trip cross country.  This was a great idea, barring the fact that he had no car to take aforementioned road trip.  Enter Jillian and her ruby red Hyundai Accent…my way out of reality surfaced right before my eyes and we set off barely two weeks later.

Now, aside from the excitement of being on the road blasting Allman Brothers CDs with the windows rolled down, a Hyundai Accent packed to the gills with my life’s belongings, proved to be pretty tight quarters for two pig-headed, opinionated kids with their heads up their asses.  Needless to say, within a few weeks, road trip buddy and I were starting to feel a little overwhelmed with our close proximity to one another.  We found ourselves smoking more cigarettes than usual, however, being that we were on an extremely limited budget with no source of income and no timeline in place for this marvelous adventure,  this wasn’t going over so well on our wallets.  Road trip buddy made the executive decision to buy loose tobacco and rolling papers, and save our very convenient, pre-rolled cigarettes for special occasions.  Now of course, he, being the initiator of this marvelous idea, was naturally in charge of what and when these special occasions were.  How very convenient.

Fast forward another week or so.  Ruby red Hyundai rolls into Denver with two clueless kids sitting in the front seat…arguing.  To this day I can’t recall what we were arguing about, but I assume it was probably something very important, like where we should eat lunch or whether we should set up our tent or sleep in the car that night.  (I mean, the big decisions you have to make when you’ve shirked all of your responsibilities to gallivant across the country are just never ending).  Long story short, road trip buddy gets especially aggravated and dips out for a few hours, leaving me sitting in the parked car, more than a little annoyed, in the middle of an unfamiliar town.  I reach into the glove box for a cigarette and what do I find?  Apparently he has decided that this is some sort of special occasion, because he has taken all of our pre-rolled cigarettes and left me only with a bag of loose leaf tobacco and some rolling papers.  Only problem…I can’t roll a freaking cigarette to save my life!  Of course I have no trouble at all rolling other things (snow balls guys…I’m talking about snow balls), but my cigarette rolling skills are definitely lacking.

15 minutes pass and turn into 20 and then 30…no sign of my friend or my Marlboro Lights.  I try to bum a smoke off of passerby, only to be met with dirty looks (it could have been the dirty, bedraggled, slept-in-a-car-last-night look I was sporting…or maybe I smelled from lack of showering…I guess I’ll never know).  I finally grab the papers and the tobacco and try desperately to roll cigarette after cigarette, each of them falling apart in my clammy, nicotine-deprived hands.  I mean, wtf, right?  30 minutes turns into an hour and I’m getting more and more pissed. A desperation takes hold as my aggravation mounts.  I roll and roll and roll and fail and fail and fail, each failed attempt making me feel like more of a total loser.  Finally, when I am just about to give up, one of my pathetic attempts actually ignites enough for me to take a large, glorious inhale into my panicky lungs.  A wonderful sensation fills me, but it’s not from the nicotine.  It is the feeling of success.  Dipshit (I’m sorry if you read this…you know I adore you) has still not returned, but now I’m motivated.  I spend the next 2 hours rolling cigarette after cigarette after cigarette, and each one gets looking a little bit more like the real thing.  By the time I see his figure walking down the sidewalk, I have a whole bunch of them strewn across the dashboard and a shit-eating grin on my face.  However, he doesn’t need to know exactly how well I’ve done, right?  So before silently gloating and lighting one up as he opens the car door, naturally I stash a little supply in various hideaways in case this ever happens again.  Needless to say, he was more than a little surprised and I didn’t go without a smoke for the rest of our trip.

So, while this may not be the best example (it kept you reading though, right), I learned a very valuable lesson that day.  I was at a very low point in my life where I was pretty set to give up on anything and everything that wasn’t working out for me, because, to tell the truth, not much was.  I had thrown my hands up in the air in pretty much every area of my life and determined that I just wasn’t good enough or deserving enough or smart enough at anything to succeed.  Road trip buddy inadvertently did me a huge favor leaving me in the car that day, yearning for just one drag of a freaking cigarette.  He gave me a choice to either accept the situation as it was presented to me or to take charge, persevere through the obstacle, and change the reality of it.  So often, we forget to do this.  We get so overwhelmed or discouraged by the perceived problem or roadblock in front of us, that we don’t even try to seek an alternate solution within ourselves.  We accept that this is our fate and we just have to grit our teeth and bear it, rather than digging deep and remembering that we have the tools and solutions to all of our obstacles within us.  In the Yoga tradition, this perseverance is called Tapas.  It is the ability to stay the course even if things feel a little daunting or uncomfortable (what a gift it might have been had I chosen to apply that Tapas to quitting right then and there, but that is to ponder another day).  It is a choice available to all of us, and when we choose to keep working towards whatever the goal may be, even through the obstacles or the not knowing what the outcome will be, this is where we find the antidote to the obstruction…in my case, the nicotine to my hankering.

Ironically, this perseverance was much needed as well when I decided to quit smoking 10 years ago.  Although this story may seem insignificant to some, it has stuck in my memory as a moment where I was able to move through a feeling of powerlessness to emerge triumphant.  Learning how to roll a cigarette…a habit that has no value or significance in my life today…who knew how much it would influence me?     I have used the memory of this day over and over and over again to remind myself what I am capable of if I just stay the course, even through the uncertainty and discomfort.  Something that simple and unimportant.

Dig deep for a moment…if you feel powerless, find that one, tiny thing that you have done that made you feel triumphant…even if it seems small and insignificant.  You never know…it could be the one thing that encourages you to find your power and persevere for years to come.  You’ve got this!

If you need help finding your personal power or feeling unstuck, I’d love to help you start living your most brilliant life.  Visit my website HERE or follow me on FACEBOOK HERE

 

 

Can I Tell You Just How Powerful You Are?

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I’m part of this amazing group of people on Facebook whose sole purpose is to light each other up as they pursue the manifestation of their hearts desires in this crazy thing we call life.  Some people post in there about their desire to find their true love, some about being financially free, some wanting optimum health, others of their dreams to start a family or a successful business, etc. and so many others in the group offer words of love and encouragement.  It’s pretty inspiring, and I find myself wandering into this group whenever I might have a moment where I forget just how much love there is in the world (because let’s face it…it isn’t always sunshine and puppy dogs…there’s a whole lot of mud puddles and shit piles along the way).

Recently, as I perused the feed on this sight, something I hadn’t noticed before caught my eye.  Scattered among the stories of successful manifestations and requests for well-wishes, healing thoughts and uplifting comments, was an underlying current of sadness and a feeling of lack.  So many of these people posting, weren’t posting about success, but about their failures…an inability to change the things that have been showing up in their lives.  Things weren’t happening as fast as they were “supposed to” or they weren’t any “good” at manifesting.  They didn’t feel that they had what it takes to get the job done.  I sat with this for a few minutes, and I found myself getting increasingly agitated.  It took me a while to pinpoint it, but then, there it was.  Wow…we are force fed a LOT of bullshit when it comes to the idea of manifesting!!!

Although there are many incredible teachers out there on the subject, somewhere along the line it seems that we started to believe that all we have to do is close our eyes and picture an endless wad of money (or whatever your desire is) filling our back pocket and suddenly, there it will be.  Now if that works for you, more power to you (and please call me after you read this so we can chat…I have a few questions to ask you…for a friend) but for the vast majority of us, it’s going to take a little more work than just envisioning what we want in order to actually cultivate it to fruition.  It’s going to take an alteration in our relationship to what we are trying to manifest, and than, constant motion in a new direction.  Sounds a little more difficult, right?  Well, not really.  I mean, have you had much luck the other way?  If you are still reading this, my guess is that you haven’t, and that’s a little frustrating, right?

“Okay genius…” you may be saying, “so tell me then, how DO I manifest my hearts desires?”  My response?  Well, now that really depends on YOU.  Like I said, manifesting is truly all about changing your relationship to that which you feel like you do not have enough of.  The feeling of not having enough is a feeling of lack, and the feeling of lack, in any capacity, is what is limiting your ability to manifest.  So then naturally, the first step is to identify what the limiting belief is before you can start to change it.  What do you feel like you are lacking, and perhaps more importantly, why do you feel like you are lacking it?  Next, set a goal…what do you WISH you could believe about this?  Now, it’s time to start making small, tangible steps towards what you would like your new belief to be.

You can’t just say one day “I don’t have enough money” and decide the next day that you will change your thought process to, “I’m a millionaire”.  It’s not going to feel real to you….in fact it’s going to feel like complete bullshit, am I right? The key is about baby steps that CAN feel real to you. For example, perhaps the first step is just saying ,”I may not have had enough money in the past, but I know that I have the ability to change that for my future…and here is one way I can start to change that now”.  After that it’s just about progressing the thought process until it becomes a more natural way of thinking…a conditioned response if you will. Perhaps after a week of repeating this new possibility to yourself and accomplishing that first step, it feels okay to compound on it. Maybe it becomes, “I have taken the first step towards manifesting my financial freedom and I feel proud of myself for following through.  Now I know that I am capable of making changes and the next step towards my ultimate goal will be (insert here).”  Once this feels okay, you build on it a little more, each time adding a new goal or task (that’s the constant motion I mentioned)  that leads you one step closer to your brand new, shiny belief that you are indeed financially stable and secure (if we are continuing to use the above example).  Does this sound familiar at all?  In one of my previous blogs I talked about turnarounds…a staple in the coaching business.  Well, this is the outline in a nutshell.

Unfortunately, we can’t change (for now) the fact that we DO live in a society that is all about immediate gratification.  Doubly unfortunate is that this need for instant gratification is what leads us to feel like we aren’t doing enough, fast enough, in the first place.  BUT…as I just gave an example of, the key to undoing the belief systems that have led you to where you find yourself now…a place of lack…IS on your keychain, which means you definitely have the power to unlock a new possibility.  Does it suck that it might take a little more work than just closing your eyes and creating a clear picture of the new convertible or the perfect relationship or yourself 40 pounds lighter?  Not really!  In fact, it’s pretty empowering to know that you can ALWAYS take at least one step away from the things that are weighing you down now in the direction of something else that will make you happier, healthier, more vibrant and whole.  You literally never have to stop!  If you get somewhere that makes you happy for a while and suddenly one day, you wake up yearning for change…you can start the process all over again!  Not to mention, think of how amazing you will feel when you’ve achieved the new belief and you can look back knowing that you did it yourself…not just with the power of your mind, but with the fierceness and devotion of a warrior.  Kind of incredible, right?  Believe it or not, this journey isn’t about hardships…it’s about what you do with them.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…the pen is in your hands.  Write something worth telling.

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The Three Words That Changed My Life

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We were a few weeks into my Yoga Teacher Training, the whole lot of us shimmying around periodically on mats and blankets and bolsters in an effort to bring feeling back into our asses. It felt like the 10-hour long Saturdays, most of them spent sitting on the studio floor, were starting to wear my sit bones down to bloody stumps, but there was literally NOWHERE I would have rather been. I loved reading, listening and writing about this amazing, potentially 10,000 year old tradition. I loved deciphering the Upanishads and the Yoga Sutras. I loved bending my body into shapes I didn’t know existed and challenging it in ways I never would have thought to do so. Most of all, I loved experimenting with all of the exercises that forced me to experience the mind, body, breath connection ingrained within us all. Learning about the ways that our bodies hold our past experiences and how this energy gets trapped within us…I was hooked. It was this night, sitting in this cozy studio among my fellow seekers, fully engrossed in listening to my teacher, Scott Feinberg, that he said the three words that I have revisited time and time again since, that truly changed my life. “Own Your Bigness!”

I had spent the past 15 years or so struggling to find my place, dealing with divorced parents, a tragic accident at a young age, a move to Florida, several abusive relationships, a bumpy ride with recreational drugs, and then the transitions into adulthood as I got married, bought a home and had two children. I struggled with motherhood, constantly questioning my right to these two amazing souls who had come to me.  I found myself quieter, more withdrawn and really fighting to maintain my self esteem.  I battled with depression on and off, and only began to remedy it when I found yoga. For whatever reason, as I sat here this Saturday, these three words struck a nerve in me like nothing else ever had. My bigness? Shit, did I have any of that left? I know I used to have bigness. I used to own the crap out of it! Where did it go and was it really, as he was suggesting, possible to get it back just by owning it? How does one go about owning their bigness and if there’s a course on it…where the hell do I sign up?

I began to use these words as my mantra, repeating them to myself over and over and over again every single time I was faced with a challenge. “Own it, Jillian. Own your bigness. Nobody else is going to own it for you.” At first it felt a little fake and forced, but the more I said it, the more it grew inside of me. It continued to blossom through the rest of my training until it was REALLY put to the test the day I taught my first real yoga class. I must have said that phrase in my head 400 million times as I stood outside the studio door trying to catch my breath and not faint in front of my students. I thought for certain I would throw up or lose my words or die of embarrassment as I crossed the threshold and took my place at the front of the class. Go figure, I actually survived that day and have gone on to enjoy teaching. Can you believe it? I couldn’t even fathom it at the time.

So, why am I telling you all of this? Well, these three words started a new pattern in my head…a new way of thinking, which has led to a whole new way of life for me. These three words have allowed me to continue on my path and have moved me in the direction I’m pointed now, life coaching with others to teach them how to break down their own thought patterns and create something new and fresh and beautiful, beyond their past experiences. These three words have taught me that being our own biggest cheerleader is the most important and heartfelt gift we can give, not only to ourselves, but to those around us. When we can learn to allow ourselves to own our own bigness…no, not just allow…INSIST that we do it, we are offering our best self to those around us as well. Suddenly our limitations start to fall away as we connect to this powerhouse of energy, love, possibility and bravery within us. The coolest part is that we ALL have it. It’s not limited to the super rich or mega popular or the extremely good looking. It’s only limited to us if we allow it to be.

The best part about all of this for me? Well, I’ve gotten to pair up my love of inspiring this excitement and truth in others with my love for the mind, body, breath connection. Working with the Chakra system (the main energy centers in the body where we store emotions and experiences), I have been able to use a 12-week program written by my teacher, Amy Lombardo, to help my clients navigate the areas in their own lives where they may not be owning their bigness.  I have watched transformation after beautiful transformation. I have witnessed intense releases of past hurts and that moment where something becomes fully clear within you. I have seen my clients grow beyond their own limitations and far exceed their own assumptions of what they were capable of. It has been beautiful, liberating, humbling and eye opening for me, and keeps me a student even as I progress on my path as a teacher. It seems that just at that moment where I’m starting to doubt my own bigness again, I watch something amazing happen and I am reminded of all that is possible when we believe in ourselves.  If you had asked me once what I thought I would be doing for a living, I never could have foreseen this, and I couldn’t ask for more.

So teach the class, stand up and tell that idea you think is too stupid to share, apply for the job you want, take a leap of faith, ask him/her out on a date…and BELIEVE in yourself. Own your bigness, because nobody else can do it for you.

 

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